User blog:MakimoLL/Life Problems

So I am just new in this wiki for less then a month, and a lot have been happening lately. Some are before I joined, and some are after.

Everyone,every elder family member, are slowly dying off, right when I, you know, remember things. Now every unexpectable detail gets reminded of stuck in my head, especially when someone in the family is getting seriously hurt or literally died, just to let you remind how painful it is to loss something dear to you. All of them, are my greatest treasures. God, is this a prank of life, or opportunity to grow up? If I wanted a wish, it's to make this a lesson, not a prank.

My friend is a otaku, and some people are very annoyed by these people, I don't really care as I don't know what is behind their adiction, it might be sad to know. Before I have yet to grow more mature, I watch anime with a stupid grin, just like an otaku, and now, I watch them with a happy, warm and serious smile, though I sometimes laugh at funny conversations. I like watching anime because some serious ones are hard to get and once you get the story, it is quite touching. And more importantly, it is to forget th pain of lost. To me it is kind of working since animes inspire me to solve some important issues. I am sure, everyone has lost something before, no matter how important it is.

School is really stressful compare to my friends, since I have to deal with the class union as we are working our butts off to hold many trip events in class. I don't really have much time to study for my own needs, so I have to work harder than ever. Working hard doesn't betray someone, they say, and it betrayed me. I failed Chinese History and now, my Dad is crazy about it, although he said he just want me to try my best. Do I seem like I didn't work hard? I sleep for 4 hours a day a month before the test because of reasons. So what is working hard at school for? I don't know, they said it is to make knowlegde a long term memory. But for me, I can only remember special things very well and it occupies 50% of my brain power. All I could say is, there is limit to a bucket, and it is full a long time ago.

Part of my mind is fulled constantly, is because I am a secondary student, although just form 2, I thought of my future and also my cousin's future, as they say you can dream as wild as you could, is it?

I wish to be a scientist, or precisely an astronomer, but be reminded, that I live in Hong Kong. I don't know what do you think of Hong Kong but all there is here is finance and economics, not much else. If I wanted to study science in Hong Kong, that's fine, but I will have to work in other countries. Working or studying overseas is out of question since it's expensive. Although my family isn't that loaded, or poor, studying inland is cheaper like for example, HKUST(Hong Kong University of Science and Technology). I am quite horrified I can't do anything in the future. Well I can ditch this dream but, I can'tbreak a small child's heart. Once my Mum said you can't be a scientist if you are like this and that, and I lost my mind. That month I haven't sleep at all.

Someone I am quite anxious for is my cousin. He is form 5 and he has to deal with a Hong Kong entrance exam DSE(Diploma of Secondary Education Examination), preparing to meet society in 2 years, and great, he has no idea what he wnted to become or job to do. I wish he can be someone admirable, like he once had. I have a really well relationship with him, so I am scared, if my family member is so free, that he cannot do anything at all. So promise me, you won't do anything 'special'.

In a nearer term, I don't study, because I can't. My long term memory doesn't allow unnecessary things to enter, meaning I am really bad in my hated subjects, but can't do anything about it, even if I stop hating it. I will get a fever if I forced things in. So evn if I try to reject emotions, which took over my brain, I can't free out more space to put academics. It is heavy, academics, are so heavy...

This wikia, is a place, wher I can be dependent to solve issues, place to confess feelings and free out space, and place to share laughter and tears. This place, is the club I am in, forever, until the end of time.

Spoilers Alert

Currently I am watching oregairu(Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru). Well I just finished it and I don't care who x who, I am glad to see they can keep all 3 of their requests. I would not like it to separate from my school friends, so I am scared so much, that I hated school.

I like watching the anime I am watching in order, then watch the first episode to compare the characters' changes. I am also into high school anime, although it is sad that they usually end with someone graduating, at least I know how to survive a secondary school.

Finally, I am quite glad I wrote about this blog, not much people may read it because it is boring to read long emotional text especially written by someone horrible in composition like me, but I am glad I expressed my feelings somewhere. I could not tell my friends, family, teachers but at least I can tell myself a little story of a helpless cowering kid. It is like telling to the service club people, I want something genuine, and now, this place, this wikia has this genuine feeling. My Home of Our Youth.

From now on I probably would not be so depressed about life, although I am dripping with tears, I will continue cheerin for Love Live, and other stories that taught me lots! I will be here contributing here on out, so thank you for other editors' regards to me, cleaning up my mess I left behind, especially the head staffs. I feel like an office little manbeing helped by my boss. Perhaps I don't need to be stuck in the loop of 'need job for experience, need experience for job'.

Name-chan signing off!